The EBWF house show is in full swing and the fans are all sitting anxiously on the edge of their seats, waiting to see what will happen next. It's already been an action packed evening and it looks like it is about to get even more interesting as the huge screen at the front of the arena suddenly comes to life replaying the promo Big Show had cut earlier where he addressed John Cena. The fans' boos fill the arena as they watch Big Show's attempt at rap. For a moment the enormous screen goes black and then a new image fills the screen. The fans burst into cheers and applause as they see John Cena standing with Todd Grisham. Cena has a small smirk on his face as he stares blankly ahead, his hands on his hips, gently leaning his weight first on his right foot, then on his left, then back to his right.
Todd Grisham: I am standing here with John Cena who will be facing the Big Show this Monday on Warfare. But first, John, I wanted to ask you how you feel since losing your last match against Alex Shelley and Edge for the X-Division Championship last Monday night?
Cena's smirk quickly disappears and he turns, facing Grisham. He looks thoughtful and nods silently to himself before answering
Cena: Well Todd, what can I say? I lost. It happens. It happens to everyone. It happens to the best in the business. All I can really say about that match is that I think that even though I lost, I still proved that I am a force to reckon with in this business. I dominated a good portion of that match. But yes, I lost. Granted, I wasn't pinned, (grinning slightly) but that's one of the many downsides of a triple threat match. You don't have to be pinned to lose. But I also want to say that even though losing sucks, its not as bad to lose if you are losing to someone whom you respect. Someone who takes you to hell and back and together you make a match that is not only entertaining for the fans but is also a match that will be remembered among many. Going into the match of course I had respect for my opponents because you have to be good to be in the EBWF. You have to have that something extra. But in that match I gained even more respect for Alex Shelley as a competitor. I will get another shot at championship gold. And until I get that shot, I will continue to show everyone just how much of a threat John Cena can be.
Todd Grisham: And John you will get a chance on Monday night at Warfare to send whatever message you would like to the EBWF world when you face the 500 pound Big Show. Earlier tonight we saw the Big Show pretty much call you out by seemingly communicating via a medium you are very familiar with: rap. What is your response?
Cena looks at Todd, that familiar John Cena smirk on his face. Then he looks down at the floor for a long moment before breaking out into long suppressed laughter. He can't seem to stop laughing. His face starts to turn bright red and he is holding his side. At one point Cena is even doubled over in pain from laughing so hard with tears welling up in his eyes. This continues on for about a full minute with Todd almost starting to wonder if Cena is going to be able to speak. Finally Cena is able to get himself under control and he turns to Todd.
Cena: I'm sorry, I just couldn't hold that in any longer! Big Show's attempt at creativity had potential but the attempt failed miserably in its execution. (Facing the camera) Big Show...WHY? OH WHY? Did you feel the need to subject the EBWF fans to THAT?!?!? I mean, I think in the 2 minutes you were out there, we lost 2,000 fans. Either because they thought to themselves, “What is the EBWF coming to?” or because they just couldn't take it any longer and reached for the nearest pill bottle to just end their misery. Big Show, do you think you are some big tough-guy monster? You think you are some kinda ghetto mob boss, pimp daddy because you beat up a cop? That's not cool man, that's just stupid, classless, and uncalled for. I think you need a clue, you need some anger management classes, and well, at 500 pounds you also probably need a little something called Weight Watchers. (Sarcastically) So, Mr. Tough Guy. Mr. Bad-Ass. You think you're a thug? You think you can “roll with the homies?” Well fine then bro, step into my ring, step into my world and see if you can hang. You think you can run a little rhyme? What you did out there tonight made me embarrassed to be an EBWF wrestler. But if you want to play that game. That's fine, I'll play along.
Cena looks around him, as if searching for someone.
Todd Grisham: John what are you looking for?
Cena: Not what, who. I'd like a little assistance. Where's Goldust when you need him? I bet that boy could lay down some tracks like John Henry himself. Well, I guess you're just gonna have to do Todd. Come on give me a beat.
Todd Grisham looks at Cena like he's grown an extra head.
Cena: Come on Todd man, I'd do it for you. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be great.
Todd Grisham still looks unhappy but then unwilling begins to sound out a beat, surprisingly not bad. Cena nods to the beat and grins before facing the camera again.
Cena: Yo Big Show you wanna rap? I'm down with that, but let's see whose shoulders get pinned to the mat. Cause talk is cheap, and so is your wife, actions determine where you get in life. Yes I'm white, what a clever observation! Hey Wes, this guys needs some extra compensation! Yeah, I may be as white as wonder bread, but dammit I grew up in place where people wound up dead. I've fought harder battles than you. So come down to that ring, and bring your balls too! Cause you're gonna need to bring everything you got, and yeah, I know that's not saying a lot.
As Cena continues Todd Grisham starts getting into it, nodding his head in time to the beat along with Cena in a comedic overdone fashion.
Cena: You think I'm afraid? You think I'm scared? How could I be? Of a man who's intellectually impaired! It's really not a fair fight. Me against a man who's obviously not very bright. Seriously, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead! This man belongs on the short bus, but at least he's well fed! In that ring Big Show, I'm a god. Who are you? Your a fat, bald nothing, don't you agree Todd?
Todd stops, staring at Cena in horror with a look that says, “Oh God please don't make me answer that! Why me?” Cena stops his rapping and turns to look at Todd.
Cena: Come on man, why'd you stop? (Noting the look of horror) Oh man don't worry, I'll protect you.
Todd Grisham hesitates for a moment longer and then nervously starts the rhythm again as Cena continues.
Cena: Big Show's going down and he's going down hard, what do you expect from someone made entirely of lard?!?! I can't see you? It's more like I can't see AROUND you! Seriously man, lay off the butter! You hearin me now? Cause I didn't st...st...stutter! You think your fat ass can beat me? Just wait till that ref counts one, two, three! (Spelling) J...E...L...L...O, Big Show's talent left with his get up and go! The man may be big, the man may be strong, but he won't be running his mouth for too long. You wanna run your mouth? Flap you're jaw? Well that's alright baby cause I'm holding it down like a fat lady on a see-saw! See, that's my squared circle. I'm like the prom king and you're just Steve Urkel! I'm Hans Solo and you're Jaba the Hut, if we were in my hometown you'd be getting cut. But instead I'm going to kick your ass, never have I faced such a huge mass! There will be no challenge for me, no fall from grace. We'd be there all night if Big Show set the pace! Someone fell down from his magical beanstalk, someone who's full of sh*t and who's all talk. Big Show I've only got one more thing to say to you, so listen closely, it's what you should do. Fee...Fi...Fo...Fum...Big Show if you want some, COME GET SOME!
As Cena finishes he turns and nods at Todd Grisham, attempting to give him a pound-it-out handshake with Grisham just getting confused and trying to play it off. With one final glance at the camera Cena flashes a peace sign to the audience and gives Todd a final slap on the back before heading off to his locker room, humming the beat under his breath and walking as if he doesn't have a worry in the world. Not even a 500 pound worry named Big Show.
No comments:
Post a Comment